Day Three Hundred & Forty-one: 3/11/2024
One of the things that we know for sure here at The Denver School of the Arts, are the performances. The building can be filled with so many people and this week is going to be filled to the gills. We were supposed to have events everyday this week. Except, today’s concert was canceled or rescheduled. We have a printout that tells us when events are scheduled, but we aren’t always told when they don’t happen. My boss and I started to notice that we didn’t have security or the ticket office staff. What was supposed to start at seven did not. I have no clue as to why it didn’t happen, and I’m not upset about that. This week is going to be a long one; theater, music performances, and visual arts exhibits. The building will be crowded which really impedes our work. The trash has to be dumped twice and the bathroom cleaning has to be postponed until all of the attendees are out of the building.
Tonight might be the only night that doesn’t have a hoard of performance goers roaming the halls. It was so quiet and I would even say that students weren’t too bad. They exited quickly and it was pleasant that there weren’t any lingerers. Without our very much needed security, these kids try to take advantage. Not all of them, but there are definitely a select few that we have to keep our eyes on. Which is not my job!
Day Three Hundred & Forty-two: 3/12/2024
The student body outnumbers the staff and faculty five to one. This is just an estimate, but you get the point. If they wanted to swarm the building they could. It takes a strong and firm hand to deal with them day in and day out. They will try to take advantage of any situation or privilege that they have. I don’t trust them and I’ve grown to have resentment towards them. I do hate that I lump them all together into one category, however, since I don’t know them individually I don’t have another point of view.
I’m not the only one fed up with the student body, there are many staff members that are ready for the spring break that is slowly approaching. Though, it really is their job to interact with them. It’s their responsibility to engage and guide them. Not this custodian!
Okay okay, enough vitriol for the day. There are these bright moments that bring me joy. A student that I’ve talked to in the past, Anastasia. Is kind and took a moment, before she performed in the spring vocal concert, to come over and say hello to me. Isn’t that just nice? I wish I could have more interactions like these more frequently. Most of the time I feel like they don’t see me and I’m just a fixture like the pipes in the walls. An inanimate creature that cleans up after their messes. As if I’m as sentient as the brick walls that line the hallways.
Day Three Hundred & Forty-three: 3/13/2024
The children have gone wild! They’ve gone wild. The announcement was made way too soon about the school closure for tomorrow. As I was walking down the hallway, the entire middle school was unruly. I’m not exaggerating. There were screaming, shouts, and exultations of joy that was so loud that I couldn’t hear the media in my headphones. I want them to enjoy their snow day, good for them. However, I don’t get a snow day and I’m already in a bad mood today. So, I don’t have the same type of emotion as them.
I didn’t sleep well and it caused me to be in a foul mood. I’ve tried to take myself out of it with my look today. However, finding out that I might have to shovel snow tomorrow or Friday has me in a literal bad mood. I despise anytime that I have to do work outside. I feel fortunate that my livelihood doesn’t require me to do menial labor outdoors. So, in the interim, finding out whether or not I have to work during the snow closure has me in a specific mood. At least I feel glamorous in my appearance.
Day Three Hundred & Forty-four: 3/18/2024
I’m combining last week with this week’s blog. Because of the snow and needing a personal day, I only worked three days last week. Thus, it makes sense to have one long blog post. Don’t you think? It’s a rhetorical question so there’s no need to respond, but I greatly appreciate that your eyes are on my posts. The one thing I need right now are followers to my creative journey.
In the meantime of becoming a famous author this fairy will continue to sweep and clean the classrooms and hallways. Until something big changes, I’ll be the teal creature that graces this establishment. I’m concerned that I’ll be stuck here like I’m bound by some warlock’s curse. I’m not only meant to clean toilets. I have more to offer to this world than scrubbing piss and shit from porcelain.
I’m feeling a lot of feelings today and I’m trying to do my best as we continue to have fellow associates calling out sick. I go on vacation next week and I only have to make it through this week. Five days of the same old muck until I’m in a place that I love. Granted I will say that the space looked better than it has all year. There might be a few messes, but nothing that I’ve had to deal with since the start of the school year. Whatever is causing it, I hope it doesn’t cease anytime soon.
Day Three Hundred & Forty-five: 3/19/2024
I was thinking about noise canceling headphones today. There was a car behind me when I was biking to work and I couldn’t hear the vehicle because my music was too loud. This isn’t something new to my routine. I’ve been using music to cancel out the world since high school. As soon as I could drive I would use the music to cover the hateful speech that spewed at me. For years, there were a myriad of bullies that used to scream profanities at me while I was driving. I would keep the music so loud so I couldn’t hear them. Except, I could always hear them. I could always hear the words even when my music was blasting.
Now, I’m not saying that I’m still suffering this type of abuse from passersbys, however, I prefer to guard myself still to this day. If I can’t hear any criticism of my person, then it doesn’t exist. Well, I have my intrusive internal thoughts that plague me. As I walk the hallways in the school I keep my headphones in my ears so that I’m able to ignore all that is around me. I’m performing my tasks based on the physical motions, but I’m somewhere else. They don’t let the student body walk around with headphones, which is a little hypocritical on my part, but I don’t care that much. I deserve to cancel out all of the noise around me.
It’s ironic that I’m trying to ignore all of those around me while so many around me ignore me. I had an incident this evening that made me so mad. I know I’m not invisible, because I would be living a much different life if I had the ability to turn transparent. Except, I’m not. I’m a very teal fairy. So, how on EARTH do you miss me while I’m cleaning the bathrooms. This happens so often where I’m cleaning the bathrooms with the big yellow power washer. So, either you are ignoring me or decide that you are the exception to someone doing their job! Which is it? It’s one of those. I’m ending the evening fed up with this type of behavior. I believe that bad behavior trickles down from generation to generation. Be better people!
Day Three Hundred & Forty-six: 3/20/2024
I had a good amount of anxiety on my way to work. Yesterday stressed me out. I know, how ridiculous that I get stressed out from my job as a custodian. However, I never know what I’m going to walk into. Who’s dead now? Seriously, I’ve become hesitant because of the shit that I have to deal with daily. I never know what to expect. I thought we weren’t going to have any events this evening. Nope, change of plans. At least it’s just one event. Not saying that is true for tomorrow. However, that’s tomorrow’s problem!
So, I don’t go out of my way to be sullen, but I don’t like my time being wasted. Especially when I feel like I’m only a set of keys. I had a moment with a set of students. They needed a theater space opened up. I was willing to stop what I was doing to assist. When we were turning the corner another student advised that they had the room opened. My time was wasted and I expressed myself. As I was walking away, I heard one of them say, “I made The Teal Fairy sad.” Well, this fairy is already sad. I’m already feeling my feelings and I don’t get paid extra for walking additional steps throughout the day. So please make sure you need my assistance before you ask me to do something that really isn’t my responsibility. That should be done by another teacher or administrator. Anyway, this fairy is sullen.
I’m trying to pull myself out of this, but it’s not going to happen this week. My only goal is to make it until Friday, then I’m on vacation for a bit. I’ll be going out of town and visiting family. I’m hoping that the time away will be an emotional reset. Anyway, thanks for reading. I do appreciate the viewership.
Day Three Hundred & Forty-seven: 3/21/2024
I’m forlorn. I’m trying to move past the bad news I received a week ago. Except, my heart needs to wallow a little bit longer. This week is almost over and next week will be my very much needed vacation. In the meantime I have a lot to do I suppose. We had a few events this evening which meant I needed to meander around the crowds to fulfill my tasks. It’s definitely not my favorite, but when there are crowds of people I’m less likely to breakdown in tears.
Yeah, I’ve been crying all week. Little spurts of sadness keep hitting me while I’m cleaning. I’m trying to keep these intrusive thoughts at bay, but they continue to linger in the background. When I let myself think I’m flooded with feelings.
I’ve been working so hard to get my writings out there, but unfortunately nothing has flourished. I thought this custodial job was going to be temporary as I devoted all of my spare time to my craft. I believed that if I sacrificed, then I would be rewarded for my talent. Yet, nothing has occurred and I’m drifting around the building with the blues.
Day Three Hundred & Forty-eight: 3/22/2024
I made it to Friday this week. Better than I could say for last week. Last Friday was technically a snow day, but I had the privilege to call out. I heard bad news and I needed an extra day to compose myself. Today is definitely no exception. I was waiting to hear back about a case that could bring additional financial strain on my budget. Another day of bad news. I’m incredibly pessimistic about my future!
I’m ending this blog post still forlorn and frustrated. I’m taking it out on others too. I snapped at a group of kids that needed to get out of my hallway. It was best for these students to stay out of my way, or at least not doing stuff they know they aren’t supposed to be doing. Either way I’ve been on edge all week. It’s been a tough one for this fairy.
I’ll be on vacation starting at 10:31pm. I really am hoping that my reprieve from this building will give me the necessary cleanse to continue for the remainder of the year. I don’t know how the faculty deal with it all. I can barely tolerate the teenagers when there are only a few of them. When they swarm it’s almost impossible to deal with. I'm just frustrated and forlorn.
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