Day One Hundred & Four: 2/21/2023
Teal days are not marked on the calendar to compliment my presence, but a day for the faculty and staff to work without students. I love these days! I get to clean without the nuisance of children messing up rooms and spaces right behind me. I specifically take my time. Meticulously scrubbing the grime off the windows of each door. Why must they press their oily faces against the glass? Well, today I rubbed it off with a glass cleaner and a microfiber towel, blue of course.
Day One Hundred & Five: 2/22/2023
What an absolutely cold day. I had to walk to work because it snowed yet again today. There was a significant debate on whether or not I could take Gladys out. Initially, the thought was the roads can’t be too bad. It only snowed a small amount. Except, I’m always fearful of the roads in the evening. I’ve discovered all too well the dangers of ice, snow, and my vintage bicycle.
As I walked the mile and a half to the school my beard literally froze from the breath coming from my nose and mouth. Icicles formed from my mustache down about four inches of my beard. When I arrived, it was frigid even though I was in three layers of clothing. It took a while to disrobe the trench, coveralls, and snow boots. Eventually, I was able to get to work.
Day One Hundred & Six: 2/23/2023
I keep thinking I understand the cold, and then another day presents itself. Don’t get me wrong, I like colder temperatures. My favorite type of day is twenty degrees and sunny. Except, when you get below those temps I become a wimp. I had to walk to school today because I just didn’t trust riding the bike. I had to wear so many layers. Well, my lovely and caring crew lead is going to generously give me a ride home again tonight. Very grateful for others’ kindness.
In regards to work, something feels like there is shift. The rooms and classes have been cleaner than usual. I just want it to please stay this way. I’m able to concentrate and get through my work faster when it doesn’t look like wild animals stampede through the school. I have a lot on my plate right now and all I’m asking is that my work can be easy.
On a different perspective, I was speaking with a teacher about their past experience. In his past school I couldn’t go a single year without losing a student. Whether it be by suicide, accidental death, murder, or drug overdose. I can’t imagine how it must have been to discuss such traumatic moments with young adults. As I’m cleaning toilets and vacuuming I thought about how privileged these youths are. How fortune and perhaps too sheltered, because they most likely will never have to go through such anguish. If they do, then I’ll mourn their naivete.
Day One Hundred & Seven: 2/24/2023
Made it through another week. Though, this week was nothing really. The biggest struggle I experienced is that I didn’t want to come to work. I’m still dealing with a very personal depression. I’m incredibly sad and all I want to do is stay in my apartment, writing. Today a new story came into my mind. Depressed Nymphs. A story about a nymph that has her heart broken one too many times and now she’s transformed into a depressive creature. Will she ever be able to be happy again? In this particular story, the answer is no.
I know in reality we are able to come out of the clouds if we continue to work and strive. Showing up for ourselves is the best thing that we can do. I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to keep myself moving. Keep clocking in to what we call life. Am I content with where things are, NOPE! Except, there’s nothing I can do but keep trying. This is me trying. I’ll take my applause and curtain call now.
The highlight of my week is the appreciation I’ve received from a set of students. Out of nowhere these kind kids took a moment to say how much they appreciate my work. How kind is that?! I really needed to receive those sincere words. I don’t think I would ask that from them, but to experience such gratitude during a very sad time in my life is so fantastic. Life is such a rollercoaster. There’s no way to appreciate the good without the bad and vice versa. Only, I wish my bad didn’t have me in such a low space mentally. At least I made it another week!
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