Day One Hundred & Fifty-seven: 5/15/2023
Kick the students out of the building! When there aren’t any events or activities that need their presence, just kick them out! There’s no reason for students to be roaming the halls after four o’clock in the afternoon. At least, that’s my take on the whole situation. It really was a quiet shift. The school was practically cleared out by five-thirty. That’s the way it should be…if there’s nothing going on. I don’t need this space to be the hangout of the youths. Nope, nope nope! There’s too much to do to allow them to come and go as much as they please.
I forbid a group to come in from the back door. I know they are students but they left the property to go get refreshments, then go home! Seriously, no need for you to come back in to hangout somewhere you shouldn’t be.
I don’t like being the grump, but the semester is almost over and I’m just trying to make it to the end without issue. So, if I have to be a grumpy fairy then so be it! I need to be true to my convictions and I’m tired of seeing rules being broken all around me. I don’t get to break the rules, so I get upset when others think they are above the simplest rules that the school has established for safety reasons.
Day One Hundred & Fifty-eight: 5/16/2023
I had a very candid conversation about my feelings about my current position. Though, I’m glad that I have a job that allows me to absorb media while working and actively work on my writings while I’m on the clock. However, the job itself is still degrading. I’m literally having to pick up after spoiled children. I say that as an over exaggeration of the general populous of the school. I don’t know these students intimately, so all I have is the mess that I have to clean up. All I know is what I’m seeing at a distance. I’m also the person overlooked by so many.
There are a lot of kind individuals roaming the hallways, but I’m still the person at the bottom of the totem pole. I’m the lowest class in regards to respect and dignity. I’m a person that strives to be someone. To be acknowledged for my fortitude and intelligence. Except, right now I feel like the clown that has to clean up piss and shit.
I know I could have a worse job, but why must we think those things? I wish I could enjoy my job, but there have been too many incidents that have caused me to feel resentful towards the disrespect.
Day One Hundred & Fifty-nine: 5/17/2023
I wish I understood what emotions were swirling around in my subconscious today. There were a myriad of feelings that apparently needed to get out today. Luckily, I was able to hide myself away and focus on completing my tasks. While I cried in a corner, only a few times this evening. I have a sense of what was going on internally, but nothing particularly happened that would cause me to have an emotional break.
I think it’s the culmination of everything that I’ve experienced over the last year. Sometimes, it just hits me across the face as if someone slapped me really hard. My eyes start to swell with fluid and then the next thing I know I’m wiping a tear off my cheek. At least my setting spray helps to keep the look intact.
Yes, because that’s the most important thing, maintaining my makeup.
Day One Hundred & Sixty: 5/18/2023
I think I should take some moments to be grateful. I’m extremely grateful that I finished my last short story this morning. That completes the first draft of thirty-three short stories that span one thousand to six thousand words. They are a variety and will showcase my writing skills. As long as I can acquire the right representation.
I’m grateful that my current job pays my bills. I don’t have a lot of excess money at the moment, but I’m able to pay my way without financial assistance. In the past, when I was working in food service, I’d have to change jobs seasonally. It was always such a hassle because each time that I had to get a new job, I’d have to put the writing on the backburner.
I’m grateful that I have a wonderful family and set of friends. I’m surrounded by support and love. Even when my endeavors have failed, I know that I can rely on the ones that care for me the most.
I’m grateful that I have my health. I recently had a full panel done and everything is looking good for me. I could lose a little weight, but otherwise I’m as healthy as a small horse. I’m very fortunate that I’m not riddled with health concerns like so many millions of people.
Okay! I feel better now. There’s only one more day for this work week and then it’s the weekend again. I may dislike my job, but I can at least be grateful for my current circumstances.
Day One Hundred & Sixty-one: 5/19/2023
I really didn’t want to come to work today. The weather was perfect to stay inside. The construction outside my window had finally stopped, since it started up at 9am. I was also working diligently on building the book. Now that the last short story has been completed, I’m actively trying to build the book. One story at a time.
So, each minute that I’m having to be at the job that I dislike feels as if I’m pulling every single one of my eyelashes individually. I don’t want to be here, and I’m not going to pretend that I’d prefer to be a custodian. That’s why I took a bit more of an effort with my makeup. I needed to push my own boundary to propel my body to work.
At least it’s Friday and I won’t have to be back in the school for over forty-eight hours. I probably need to do a little cleaning of my own apartment, but that’s different really. It’s my own mess, it’s my waste. There is a difference when you pick up after yourself versus kids that are too distracted with their own lives to notice that they’ve left a massive mess.
One day, I’ll be free from the confines of dissatisfying employment.
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