Day Seventy-Seven: 01/09/2023
I know I need to stop complaining about the bad manners that these teenagers have. I'm not quite sure why I'm so annoyed by it all. Maybe because I can’t remember what it was like to be their age. Did I have more respect for the classrooms? I’m unable to recall the worst years of my life for some odd reason. Ya know, that whole blocking out trauma sort of thing.
Well, my frustration came to a boiling point today because of the damn chairs. I'm not saying I had a full blown blowup, but I took out my exasperated feelings out on a few chairs that were carelessly strewn around the room. I don’t understand why they can’t push them in. It’s super simple. Tuck your chairs under the desk. I enter these rooms as if there was a literal fire and the pubescent adolescents had to flee with such gusto that they didn’t have time to clean up after themselves let alone put their chairs where they should be. Thus, I have to spend my time putting the rooms back together somewhat so I can vacuum effectively.
I’m annoyed by the insensitiveness. They’re also not consistency. Why are some rooms less severe than the other ones? Why? All I want is someone to explain it to me. Again, I have a notion but it isn’t nice at all. I’m going to stick with my theory that the rooms that are the worst, are that way because each student received emergency calls and they had to rush out to meet their parents without taking the time to pick up their messes. Yeah! That sounds better than the fact that they are rude little bastards that don’t care about anything. I need to stick with my theory that they’re so concerned about saving the world that they can’t be bothered to respect their surroundings. Yes, that makes me feel less bitter.
Day Seventy-Eight: 1/10/2023
A bit short staffed today. I knew this beforehand and I felt like I should dress for the occasion. If I can dress up overalls I’m going to try. Knowing full well that I’ll have to do extra work, I chose to do much more of a hairdo and radiate my facial features.
I’m glad I did, because it was a lot more work. We need to have five custodians to perform all of the duties of the day. Tonight, we’ll only have two humans to clean the hallways, classrooms, bathrooms, and secure the building. Luckily the messes have been tolerable. To an extent.
Day Seventy-Nine: 1/11/2023
It’s the first day of events of the year. Sixth grade band concert and ninth grade theater performance. I so wish I could watch these performances, except I have to utilize my time cleaning. I’d like to stand in the back with my mop or broom. Fall into the artistic expression by the little ones. I’m so envious of their endeavors. I have no desire to relive my youth, but I wish I could experience the excitement again of being on stage, performing in a concert, or just rehearsing. The collective beauty of art consumes me.
Oh well, I’m stuck fantasizing about the events while I monitor the hallways. I’m grateful that the students and parents have been respectful of the space. This week hasn’t been too bad. I’m grateful that not every room and hallway has been trashed in the wake of adolescent antics.
Day Eighty: 1/12/2023
I need to stop being such a grump. Well, I was told that the custodial staff isn’t supposed to open rooms without reason. It’s not like I enjoy being the person to say no, but I thought the rule was black and white. I despise being a bad person without a warrant. Though, I think there is something inside of me that is resentful. I wish I had more of a relationship with the students, but I don’t really know how to talk to them, and I’m annoyed that they only speak to me when they need/want something.
I say this when I’ve been approached multiple times. I’ve been validated many times and I freeze up like a popsicle. I need to be less resentful and less abrasive when others try to ask for simple favors. I need to be more approachable, if possible.
Day Eighty-One: 1/13/2023
Happy Friday the 13th!
Okay, I’m going to be indignant right now. I don’t care if my work is subpar. I really don’t. I don’t give a rat’s ass, or maybe I should say mouse since this school is invested with them. I’m not concerned that the toilets are not pristine. My equipment is subpar. I can only work as well as the resources given to me. I despise the work I do, but I have to do it since I haven’t been able to make a career out of my writings yet.
Ugh!
Well today has been an emotional day. When the theater program ended, the hollering and applause filled the hallways. It was fantastic to hear such admiration, but I was so green with envy. My teal complexion luckily hid the green hue that was simmering inside my body. I had to release my emotions in my janitorial closet. I cried. Not a full breakdown like I’ve had in the past. I fortunately have Kleenex in the closet and I was able to dab my soaked eyes and eyelashes before the mascara started to run.
Will I ever get to have that sort of adoration, or will I continue to be a silly fairy prancing, pretending to be a custodian?
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