Day Fifty-Two: 11/14/2022
I’m standing and I have a job.
Take kindness, take hugs, and appreciate them! This is what I’m telling myself. Having to euthanize my dog, my familiar, and friend was so difficult over the weekend. I made it to work and I’m appreciative of those that made an effort to hug me. I’m forever grateful for the other coworkers that allowed me to unload my pain.
My dog, Murray, had been with me since he was barely four months old. He was born in a small town in Oklahoma, spent his adolescence all over the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, matured into a playboy of sorts in the eclectic Capitol Hill neighborhood in Seattle, and retired in a spacious apartment in Denver.
Some people say that he lived one of the most posh lives a dog could live. I do agree, but he still had to put up with my antics for so many years. Decade after decade we were each other’s constants. Today will be the first night that I’ll be coming home from work.
I’m glad I was able to make it to work, but it made me think so much about grief. How much time we deem it is acceptable to grieve for those we love. For a beloved companion of over a decade? How much time would it be acceptable for me to weep for his passing? A week, a month, a year? My boss was surprised that I didn’t call out. I didn’t think I’d feel better if I stayed home, missing the sounds of my old friend.
There was an incident tonight that I totally related to. A room was vandalized at one point. It was the last classroom in my hallway. 8th grade science. Well, everything was fine when I emptied the trash receptacle at 3:30pm. Then, when I came back two hours later to sweep, it looked like someone had used some serious telekinetic power. The first middle table had been flipped over and the two tables behind were shoved towards the wall. The chairs that had been on top of the desks were spewed on the floor and the teacher’s desk. Nothing looked damaged, but there were remnants of rage. I felt annoyed, but sad that someone was so angry. I hope they didn’t hurt themselves, because it took two of us to lift the table back on it’s four legs.
Day Fifty-Three: 11/15/2022
I’m standing and I have a job.
The Teal Fairy came out in full force today. If I could’ve made my hair teal, I would have. Only, I didn’t have any 20 Volume to mix up the bleach. You have to lift the hair, I tried, and the dye only turned a test strip curl slightly green. I have tubes and tubes of teal dye. I need to be teal right now. From head to toe.
Though my hairs remained their natural color, I was going to at least shield my pain with the hue of teal. At this moment, I need to be as teal as I can be. The little boy, Craig, is so sad inside. The Teal Fairy is the closest thing I have to becoming a superhero. One of these days, I might walk around in my cloak. It’s winter, it would totally be acceptable. It’s fashion!
Slowly, I’ll be utterly consumed by The Teal Fairy. Which is fine since I plan to write many stories about The Teal Fairy and how they go back to school to protect the unprotected. A gifted scholar, explorer, and researcher. Yet, the Magick Caste organization needs additional forces placed around the Nons to help the fledglings come into their own. Private institutions like Hogwarts aren't free. Except, every being deserves an education if they so desire.
Day Fifty-Four: 11/16/2022
I’m standing and I have a job.
I misunderstood what was happening tonight. I was under the impression that it was going to be a teacher-parent conferences. I wasn’t expecting that the school was going to be completely covered with parents, students, and potential students. I ended up being able to complete my tasks even though we couldn’t do much for almost three hours.
I got to work on a sewing project. This was after I had to scold a child. Well, maybe it wasn’t necessarily scolding but I definitely let a kid have it.
Day Fifty-Five: 11/17/2022
I’m standing and I have a job.
I so appreciate when adults validate my existence. Their children are the ones that are noticing me, and apparently gushing over my existence to their parental guardians. I’m honored, and taken aback each time someone acknowledges that I’m not invisible.
I only wish these folks had the bravery to make these kind gestures online. I feel so disappointed that my online presence hasn’t garnered more followers. I don’t know, is that what I want? Do I want to go viral? A little bit, I want to build a following organically, but I wonder how long that takes when fools do foolish things on the internet. The oddest one I think about is this young guy that drank a full bottle of magnesium citrate. A laxative that made this idiot basically shit himself. He’s lucky he didn’t have to go to the hospital. It was worth it, because he had millions of viewers.
I bring The Teal Fairy to the school because I need to see The Teal Fairy anytime I see my reflection. I don’t want to see the sad face of Craig, I want to see the teal beauty that’s stolen the hearts of youths.
Day Fifty-Six: 11/18/2022
I’m standing and I have a job. That’s the only phrase that gives me any solace. I repeat it and repeat when I feel my heart beat so hard. When I need to breathe I say it to myself or I say it out loud. If I have these two things, I can keep a roof over my head.
Today was the last day before the holiday next week. There will be ten whole days before the students are back in the school. My job, my hourly wage depends on the students being on campus. Only, I need a break from them. I need a break from the unnecessary messes. I need a break from acting like a hall monitor. I need a break from the anxiety I feel each time they make eye contact with me.
My adolescence was absolutely awful. I was bullied, mistreated, and abused by so many of my classmates and sometimes teachers. I’m somewhat terrified that it will happen again. Kids can be mean, and I don’t have the self confidence to deal with any negative attention.
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